Vodka, Milkshakes, and Temporary Tattoos.

We drove for hours with Damone blaring from the speakers; then checked into a cheap hotel, a block from the beach. I had a couple hundred bucks and nothing to worry about. I bought us some vodka and we got drunk in front of the AC. We couldn't stop our hands and didn't want to.

It was a perfect summer weekend.

She told me all the sweet words that made everything feel like it would stay just the way it was. She believed in it as much as I wanted to. We tried telling each other dirty jokes in Spanish, but couldn't remember the funny things we'd learned in high school.

After taking a shower together, we drank a little more and headed out of the room. We held each other back, laughing our heads off as traffic went by. It seemed like we waited forever before we were sure we could cross the street without getting hit by the old people, frowning as they passed.

We took off our shoes and ran into the surf. I didn't want to kiss her in front of the kids playing on the beach, but we went out in the deeper water and I held her close. The warm surges pulled us toward the shore and back out again. The waves were like an energy surrounding us, bringing us back to life after the sleepy afternoon of drinking.

When our fingers and toes began to wrinkle, we walked back out of the water, holding hands and feeling the hot sand under our feet. I pulled my wallet and the room key from my shoes, stuffing them into the wet pockets of my trunks. The sun was sinking behind the buildings.

She kissed me and pulled me back towards the road. We walked for a while and found a place to get burgers and shakes. I got a peanut butter banana shake while she ordered a cherry pineapple. She said vodka would be so good in hers, but she finished it there.

We talked about going to the movies. I threw out half a dozen other ideas to try and hide it, but we both knew there wasn't anything we wanted more than to get back to the room and out of our clothes.

So we did.

The next morning, I tried to walk down and get us some breakfast, but she woke up before I could make it out the door. I tossed the note I'd written in the trash while she got ready. She smiled up at me with her eyes closed, making one of her beautiful morning faces. I kissed her on the forehead and then the lips. Her hair was messy, but perfect. She put on her big sunglasses and wrapped her arms around me as I figured out the lock on the door.

It was already eleven. There was a taco truck open down the street, so we grabbed a couple burritos and walked to a strip mall arcade. I shot pinball while she played whack-a-mole. She bought us some temporary tattoos from a machine: a rainbow, a unicorn, and a Bratz character. She made me put the unicorn on my arm and couldn't stop laughing while I tried to preserve my dignity.

We found a picnic table in front of a closed restaurant and sat beside each other, quiet for a while. I kissed her on the forehead and she started crying. She cuddled up to me and told me she was so happy. I never knew what to say in moments like that. I pulled her close to me and told her I loved her. I should have said more.

Summer ended and the sweet words didn't come true.

She didn't come back to school in the fall. I graduated the next spring, wanting to hide away for the rest of my life. I went back to the beach a couple years later, just to walk around. It makes me crazy to think about it again. Now I know, but it's not like you get another chance. You learn to live with it and try to forget as much as you can.

I should have asked her to marry me.