Richard Diamond, Mr. Director.

"For the love of Christmas! CUT!"

Richard walked in front of the lens, shaking his head as I hit the red button.

"What's wrong? You look like you're going to cry. Can I get a little more Sylvia Saint and a little less Sylvia Plath? Come on, Mandie. This goes for everybody. Leave your personal lives at home." He turned back toward Mandie. "If you can't look sexy, look scared. Look like he's going to break you in half with that thing." Richard clapped his hands a couple times. "Alright, everybody. Let's take a breather. Erika, do some rails. No booze. You're sloppy. You okay, Tom?"

Tom nodded.

"Great. Grab a Red Bull." Richard turned to me and motioned toward Alice. "Alice, why don't you take Citizen Kane in one of the rooms for a quick one."

"That's alright."

Richard frowned. "Sorry. Forgot you've got a girlfriend." He muttered to himself as he popped a couple tic-tacs. "I don't understand anything, anymore."

He was Richard Diamond. The Legendary Dick Diamond of more than 200 adult films, from "Yakuza's Daughters" to the epic "Squirticus." A man who could still grease up female robots when the right sci-fi scene called for it.

He unzipped and buried Alice's face in his crotch while he looked over the shot list. "How was it for camera?"

I was still uncomfortable talking to the guy during these breaks. "It was good. Everything looked good. No boom in the shot."

Richard laughed and glanced down at Alice. "You hear that? No boom in the shot." He took a joint out of his breast pocket and lit it. Smoke trailed from his mouth and nostrils as he lowered his shades. He leaned his head back, letting the sun hit his over-tanned skin. He took another drag, pushed Alice's head away, and handed her the joint. "See if you can do any better with this."

He zipped up and walked towards the camera, pushing his sunglasses back on top of his head. "So what's the story, Hollywood? What kind of movies you want to make?" He called me Citizen Kane or Hollywood because I'd been to film school, unlike most of the guys he'd worked with on these shoots. I took the job because I figured it was a step up from working at the video store.

"I don't know. Comedies."

Richard smiled. "Jesus. See what you can do with Mandie. You'd think we were doing a scene of the grieving widow here." He sized me up. "I'm sorry I give you crap." He dug around in his pocket and pulled out another joint. "A lot of us, we work together so much, we're kind of like family. Five years ago, I did a scene just like this with Mandie's aunt."

He took a drag and passed it to me. I hated the way I felt operating camera while high, missing little things in the frame. I took a hit and passed it back. He smiled at me, proud of Citizen Kane.

"New people just take getting used to. If you don't want to give Alice a throw, it's cool. I respect that." He pulled the smoke in deep. It trailed out again as he spoke. "I just want you to know, I'm glad you're working on this. It's nice to have somebody around who takes this stuff seriously." He laughed. "I mean, Christ, try explaining three-point lighting to these guys."

Erika stumbled back out of the house with a bloody nose and a drink in her hand. Richard hurried over, taking the drink away. "What did I say? What did I say? Your problem is you don't listen." Richard yelled over to Alice. "Get a paper towel." He turned back to Erika. "You're sloppy. Nobody wants to watch that." Alice handed him a damp cloth. "Here, clean that off. You think white boys want to download that?"

Mandie came out of the house, looking fresh and reinvigorated. Richard gave her a pat on the ass. "That's my girl. How you feelin'? You good? You look beautiful." Richard smiled at all of us and yelled into the house. "Tom! I got a couple girls out here that need your help."

Erika and Mandie laughed.

Tom walked out, smiling. "Sorry."

Richard grinned and slapped him on the shoulder. "No, you're great. You feelin' good? You ready for these wildcats?"

Tom smiled and nodded.

"Great. That's what I love to hear." Richard dropped his sunglasses down and clapped his hands two times. He walked over beside the camera as his voice boomed out. "Alright. Places everybody. We're gonna take this from where Mandie is upside down with Erika down low. Tom, you're behind Erika." Richard paused for a second, glancing over at me. "Is that going to match?"

I gave a half shrug. "We'll make it work with a cut-away."

Richard laughed and slapped me on the shoulder. "Make it work with a cut-away. I love it. Citizen Kane does it again." He stared out through the sunglasses at all the sweat and hard bodies. "Everybody ready? Sound?" Alice pressed the button the way I'd showed her that morning and held the mic pointed at the actors. "Camera?"

I hit the red button. "Rolling."

A smile spread across the face of Richard Diamond, Mr. Director. "Action."